12 Reasons Why Correcting with Gentleness Is One of the Hardest Parts of Pastoral Ministry

Gentle Correction

. . . correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance . . . —2 Tim. 2:25a

There is no question whether pastors should rebuke and admonish. Paul, for example, reminded Timothy:

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. —2 Tim. 2:23–26

The idea of gentle instruction with repentance as a goal might seem straightforward. “How difficult can it be?” The answer is, “It’s incredibly difficult.” And considering some of the reasons why this is the case motivates pastors to pray, dig daily for wisdom, and to be less surprised by the interpersonal challenges of pastoral work (Prov. 2:4; 1 Pet. 4:12–19).

Here, then, are twelve reasons why gentle correction is one of the most difficult aspects of pastoral ministry.

1. Pastors, the ones called to give gentle correction, are sinners themselves.

Immediately before saying pastors should gently instruct, Paul encourages Timothy:

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. —2 Tim. 2:22

Before admonishing others, pastors need to repent and make course corrections of their own, particularly when there are contentious situations in the flock. Indeed, whatever besetting sins a particular pastor battles may be most difficult at times of conflict. Therefore, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matt. 7:1) reminds pastors to first prayerfully examine their own lives before admonishing others.

2. Pastors must both avoid conflict and confront.

Even as Paul instructs Timothy to correct, he counsels:

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. —2 Tim. 2:23

Considering that Paul tells Timothy both to “have nothing to do with” controversies and to “gently correct,” we might ask, Which is it? It is often hard to know. “Go and show him his fault” (Matt. 18:15–17) must be balanced by “love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8, cf. Prov. 17:14, 19:11). Likewise, note the tension in Proverbs 26:4–5 that says with one breath to avoid dialoguing with foolishness, explaining why it is necessary to do so with the next.

Part of the reason for the tension between avoiding and confronting is that when dealing with difficult people, most often there are no easy answers. Wisdom, which is to be prayed and sought for, requires both saying nothing and saying something (Prov. 2:1–5; James 1:5).

3. Pastors may simultaneously face multiple opponents.

Paul does not encourage Timothy by saying that shepherds will rarely encounter opposition. Rather, “opponents” is plural, and so goes pastoral ministry in a fallen world. There is never just one difficult situation. There are usually a range of difficult dynamics. And however diverse opponents may be from one to another, often one is willing to play the role of Absalom: sitting in the gate, comparing notes with other disillusioned people (2 Sam. 15:1–6). Gently correcting one opponent is difficult, all the more so five or six people at the same time, particularly when they are influencing one another.

4. For pastors, being soft is harder than being hard.

Paul encouraged Timothy to correct his opponents with “gentleness.” It is a gentle answer that turns away wrath, whereas a harsh one stirs up anger (Prov. 15:1). But many times in the midst of tense church meetings, passionate shepherds can easily come across as harsh and impatient. So much can be learned from the example of Jesus, whose gentleness was so often on display. Pastors will do well to memorize and meditate on the beatitudes (Matt. 5:3–10), as well as Psalm 37, which give context to Jesus’ assurance, “blessed are the meek” (Matt. 5:5; Ps, 37:9, 11, 22, 29, 34). Indeed, reading or singing Psalm 37 aloud is medicine for the souls of pastors who face undeserved opposition.

5. Some situations do require pastoral severity.

Jesus rebuked Peter, “Get behind me, Satan!” (Matt. 16:23). Nathan turned to King David and said, “Thou art the man” (2 Sam. 12:7). Paul opposed Peter to his face (Gal. 2:11–14). The charge to gently instruct does not mean that there are never times when severity is warranted. But knowing when and how to be stern is a great challenge. When severity is warranted, pastors must be sure it is the kind of rebuking and correcting rooted deeply in Scripture and that the wounds administered are those of a friend (2 Tim. 3:16–17; Prov. 27:6).

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6. Pastors are soldiers in a spiritual war.

In the 2 Timothy passage, the hopeful outcome Paul describes is that opponents repent and “escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” This description reminds us of the demonic spiritual battle in which we find ourselves. Not only do we battle indwelling sin and an unbelieving world, but Satan is on the prowl and would like nothing more than to crush our flock in his jaws (1 Pet. 5:8). Given the spiritual battle, when pastors correct the flock, they must make it a first priority to put on the full armor of God and pray urgently for all involved (Eph. 6:10–20).

7. The gentle correction pastors give must not always look the same.

Different pastoral dynamics require different tones. There are times when we speak softly and quietly in the dynamics of pastoral correction. But there are other occasions when correction needs to carry authority and weight. It takes great wisdom to know how to variously encourage an older man as a father and a younger man like a brother (1 Tim. 5:1). Again, much wisdom is needed and pastors should meditate on Proverbs daily.

8. When pastors correct opponents, it is not enough to be factually correct.

Word-centered pastors have at their disposal many passages of Scripture that are relevant to the situations they face. And it is their call to show the flock what “accords” with sound doctrine (Titus 2:1). Yet shepherds need to be careful before composing dense emails laced with scores of Bible references. It is easy for pastors to “overpower” with too much information and too many biblical arguments.

Most of the time pastors don’t gently get through to people with long lists of Bible verses and sophisticated theological arguments. Rather, even as they listen carefully they must gently make a simple, gracious point.

Harsh words can be dispensed in a two-minute burst. But gentleness often nudges across years.

9. Gentle pastoral instruction may take a long time.

Harsh words can be dispensed in a two-minute burst. But gentleness often nudges across years. This is not surprising. Sanctification is a life-long process. Both pastors and those in their flock will be working on areas where growth is needed throughout their lives.

Given the marathon that is pastoral ministry, pastors must plan regular rests and sabbaticals of one kind or another. It is vital that they “withdraw to desolate places and pray” (Matt. 14:13; Luke 5:16). As a part of rest, both physical exercise and spiritual disciplines must be prioritized (1 Tim. 4:8).

10. Pastoral “correction” often does not turn out well.

Second Timothy 2:25 reads, “God may perhaps grant them repentance.” The word “perhaps” is sobering. Repentance is a possibility but not guaranteed. The reality is that many, if not most, opponents do not respond well (John 6:65ff). If such a warning seems unnecessarily pessimistic, it is needed to set the right expectations so that pastors do not get too discouraged when “Demas,” in love with the world, deserts us, or “Alexander the coppersmith” does us great harm (2 Tim. 4:9–18). We must accept that the road of rebellion is a wide one with many who traffic it (Matt. 7:13–14). Given that Cain did not respond to the Lord’s correction (Gen. 4:1–16), nor the rich young ruler to Jesus (Luke 18:18–30), we should not be surprised when not all take pastoral instruction to heart. Samuel rightly rebuked King Saul. But he grieved over him. Indeed, 1 Samuel 15:35b reads, “And the LORD regretted that he had made Saul king over Israel.”

Again, it is growth in wisdom that prepares pastors to deal with the abuse and injury of scoffers, but it also gives hope that some will love the pastor for giving instruction (Prov. 9:7–10).

11. In pastoral ministry, even when there is some resolution, it is seldom ideal in this life.

Somehow, Paul and Barnabas decided to part company (Acts 15:36–41). Their disagreement must have left wounds they both carried with them the rest of their earthly ministries, even if Paul did later send for Mark (2 Tim. 4:11). A limping Jacob reconciled on some level with Esau, but soon enough the brothers went their different ways (Gen. 33). David repented but faced consequences for the rest of his life. The Lord was a man of sorrows (Isa. 53:3).

As difficult and disappointing as conflicts may be, faithful pastors can be encouraged; when the chief shepherd appears, they will receive an unfading crown of glory (2 Pet. 5:1–4). And so pastors must regularly meditate on the hope of heaven. “Just one glimpse of his dear face, all trials will erase,” as the hymn goes.

12. Because the stakes are so high.

James concluded his letter with the reminder that “whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins (James 5:20). Eternity is in view, and the responsibility is great. Surely pastors must prioritize prayer.

Looking at the whole exhausting list, pastors might be tempted to take the easy road and give up. But then we hear Peter’s words that, as fellow elders, we are to shepherd the sheep (1 Pet. 5:1–2). Faithful pastors lead forward, realizing much wisdom will be required and that they must rinse their minds in the Scriptures and pray that their love will increasingly abound in the discernment that enables them to administer gentle correctives (Phil. 1:9–11; Rom 12:1–2).

Faithful pastors, be assured. As difficult as it may be to give gentle instruction, soon the chief shepherd will appear, and we will receive a crown of glory that will never fade away (1 Pet 5:1–4).¹

Chris Brauns is the author of The Way of Repentance: Embracing God’s Gift for a Transformed Life.

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